combined with a nasty, highly contagious sickness in the first three weeks, AND a sweet baby who wants to be in Mommy's arms every hour of the day possible-
has brought me to a whole new place of seeing.
I'm seeing my inadequacy like never before. I'm seeing my weaknesses and meeting my limits. Hourly.
I've realized more than ever that I DON'T just "got this" motherhood thing. I've finally come to firmly believe that no matter how passionately the HuffPost articles or Mom Blog posts or Facebook memes or inspirational YouTube videos iterate and reiterate the point; truth is, it's just not true: motherhood is absolutely not something that can be simply done by grit and determination; with positive thoughts, self-affirmation and a headstrong I-got-this-thing, "Mom-boss" attitude. That'll only carry a mama so far until she realizes she just don't got it no matter how hard she tries. And that's okay. It's not something to get discouraged about, it's just realizing the truth.
Because, from what I understand, we were never meant to have it figured out or have it all under our control. We weren't meant to do this motherhood thing on our own. Jesus said "Apart from me you can do nothing.", and I'm thinking that includes motherhood.
One morning recently, as I thought about how incapable I've discovered myself to be of keeping my attitude in check around these three darling and precious-- but very busy, curious, and strong-willed-- toddlers when things get intense, the old hymn I Need Thee Every Hour came to mind. Just that first line itself resonated with my heart as I thought back to the previous afternoon when things went sideways and nearly everything that could go wrong felt like it WAS going wrong. The afternoon that felt like a failure for the books? Yeah, that one. The morning of that day had gone fine and somewhere in the back of my mind I was patting myself on the back because -obviously- I was totally crushing it at momming 4 kids 3 and under; but oh, the difference one hour can make.
By 4:30 pm my sick twins still wouldn't nap, the house was a mess (and I do mean MESS), baby was wanting to nurse, I had not showered, did not have any idea what the toddlers' dinner would be, my mother in law was on her way to babysit, and I was supposed to meet my husband and his bosses for dinner in the next town by 6pm. My patience was worn thin and my attitude was....
well.... I was not "crushing it" anymore, we'll just put it that way.
 |
| How Mama gets a shower these days |
So the words "I Need Thee Every Hour"? Oh. Yeah. They resonate with me lately. So much can happen and change in a mama's day from one hour to the next, can't it?! I'm realizing I have got to start looking to Jesus for help sooner rather than later.
I need His help with the attitude problems (mine or the kids);
I need Him when the toddler-sized catastrophes hit;
I need His patience for dealing with the adjusting, and the potty-training regression that has happened with both twins since baby arrived;
I need His wisdom with the questions that beg for answers that I don't have;
I need His guidance when sickness racks my little one's body and I can't make it go away;
I need His peace to rule my heart and mind when the baby is screaming to nurse while two (or all three) toddlers are on two different potties waiting to be wiped and yelling "Mooooooooommmmmyyyyy!"
I need Him to renew my mind in the peaceful morning hours, and to help me cherish the sweet moments when I watch my toddler girls interact with their baby brother;
I need Him to teach me faith from the example of my children when I watch them completely absorb every Bible story they're told, and then refer to them throughout the day in their playtime and talk about God and miracles and prayer as if they are the plainest, most natural and real of realities to talk about in normal conversations:: because THEY ARE.
And? I NEED HIM in the blow-outs and the melt-downs and the discouragement and the running behind and the exhaustion:
These moments that can threaten to drive me crazy and stress my mind- they CAN ALSO drive me to Jesus if I will let them; and are often the best reminders that I can be given that I NEED JESUS.
So that morning when the hymn came to mind, the thought came to my mind quite strongly that I should look it up and learn the story behind it. As soon as I found a moment I did a quick Google search... and wouldn't you know?
Wouldn't. You. Know.
That hymn? It wasn't one that was born out deep sorrow or loss or a difficult trial as many hymns are.
That hymn:
It was written by a young mom of 3 kids.
OF COURSE IT WAS.
One bright June morning, nearly two hundred years ago, the song came to her as she just went about her daily household tasks. She didn't elaborate on what that looked like, but you and I, Mama; we can imagine. It probably looked a lot like our mornings.
As she was busily caring for her little ones, or sweeping up another mess, or pulling together the makings for another meal or nursing a baby- she said that she became so filled with the sense of nearness to the Master that, (in her own words) "wondering how one could live without Him, either in joy or pain, these words were ushered into my mind, the thought at once taking full possession of me: 'I need Thee every hour'...."
So she sat down by the window and wrote out nearly entire hymn right then and there.
How did I never know that simple story?!
I guess because I needed to know it so real and so personal that morning.
The hymn of motherhood: I Need Thee Every Hour.
Every hour. I can't do this on my own: Jesus, show me how.
Help me stay in your peace.
Help me love these children as you do.
I need to know that you are nearby and I'm not alone, that I'm not forgotten, that I'm noticed and valued and doing a very important job.
I need Him to make this motherhood thing possible, but more than that: joyful.
I need Him every hour, and without Him I can't mother these four little ones as I ought.
And wow. WOW. He gives such grace and joy and peace and strength to help us when we ask.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete